vampire clause

I am sitting at work. It is four in the morning. I find myself pretending in my mind and truly believing that I could one day become a vampire. It would be foolish to deny that you the reader of this blog, have not thought the same, or wished for a similar situation. And if you haven’t, forgive my assumption that you have, and understand that now I have placed such an idea in your head, you will begin to consider. Not , of course that I have such power to do so, to change you I mean. I am still just pretending as well. Though, I must say, there are many conditions to my vampire-ism that would precede any decision or choice in the matter to become one. The following would be my “Clause” if you will. That is assuming I would have allowed time and dialogue to propose my clause to what would be a vampire impatient for my blood.

Ryan: Aside from common curiosity when such instances of expectant pain arise and the question it brings “Does it hurt?”, I would like to ask if I could possibly work out a few details prior to my anticipated and sure reformation?
Vampire: Such as?
Ryan: I do have a list . May I produce it?
( I will shuffle some papers with the notion to look as if I am well thought out , then produce a single paper) the list reads:
1. it would not be necessary for me to include myself in vampire activities, namely, killing and drinking any unlucky victims blood. I would not be looked down upon, or be considered less of a vampire for choosing such things.
2. I would not be unfortunately directed downwards after an untimely or decided departure from this world and life. That heaven could still and hopefully would, open its gates to me and say “ hats off dehaan, good job”.
3. I would not have to wear a full body leather suit all the time ( though I probably still would).
Ryan: That is it.
Vampire: That is it?
Ryan: Yes, that is what I just said, that is it.
Vampire: Okay. Though I am afraid I have no control over your second condition. But good or evil is ultimately up to you- to create, to live by, or to ignore. But mainly to create. I have no need for such things.
He then pauses and looks at me, I nod.
Vampire: Yes, it really hurts , but only for a second. Time to swim….

and then I will be a vampire.